VBAC with my Rainbow Baby

 

19366125_1319960171434218_3113168639535279117_n.jpgI’m so thrilled to announce to you all that my son was born on June 21st at 8lbs 8 oz, 21.5 inches long by a SUCCESSFUL VBAC! It couldn’t have been a more beautiful moment, not only my rainbow baby but a beautifully smooth birth. It was everything AND MORE than I imagined that birth could and should be.

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I made the decision to VBAC around a month before my son was born. I was always interested in this procedure but wasn’t well enough educated on the procedure to be comfortable with it. I ended up going to the chiropractor* due to my hip hurting, and this chiropractor was well educated in natural labor and birth and had SO MANY local connections with doulas, birthing centers, midwives, and more. He simply spoke to me about VBACs, telling me it was never too late. Of course I thought this was silly, but suddenly my heart ached for a normal birth after the trauma of my C-Section. I knew birth was meant to be so much more, and so much more beautiful.

Long story short, I hired a doula*, continued seeing the chiropractor* certified in the Webster technique, changed hospitals (to a VBAC friendly one), switched doctors (to one well known in the VBAC community), and began doing acupuncture* weekly to prep my body. At home, I daily did exercises to move baby into optimal position and engage baby in my pelvis to increase my chances of a vaginal birth, and I continued my regular exercise routine that included cardio and weight training.

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All of this was a month before I was due. (But we made it happen!)

All of this was after I was diagnosed with “failure to progress” and told that my body probably couldn’t go into labor on its own. (It did – and did strongly and on time!)

All of this was after I let go of the fear and the unknown. (Fear keeps us from our dreams.)

All of this was while working full time. (My job was so amazing in allowing me all of these appointments!)

 

And now I have this precious, squishy little newborn boy to love on. And a healed memory of birth.


1st Photo: Taken by doula

2nd Photo: Candace Williams Photography

3rd Photo: Haley Kinzie Photography

*If you are a local individual and want the contact information for these photographers, doula, chiropractor, doctor, or acupuncturist, PLEASE let me know! I’d love to recommend them. I’ve excluded their names for my own privacy.

 

To the Friend that Only Called When They Needed Something

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I love you.

I’ve heard so many people speak down about your type. The one that’s here for a season for assistance and then gone for a year. The one that only calls to ask a favor, but never calls to say “how are you?”

We all have seasons.

Some seasons are harder than other seasons. Sometimes, you need attention. Sometimes, you need to know you’ve been heard. Sometimes your current backlog of issues are so overwhelming that hearing about someone else’s may make your anxiety and depression crumble you to pieces. Sometimes you don’t have the confidence that you could help anyone, so you don’t ask. Sometimes you haven’t learned reciprocation. Sometimes, you don’t know how to communicate you care. Sometimes, you’re so extremely busy with work and kids and marriage and school that it’s difficult to fit one more thing in for a friend. Sometimes mental illness only allows you to reach out when it’s really bad. And, perhaps you called me because your closest friends wouldn’t listen, or ran from you when things got bad.

Call me.

You may not ask me “How are you?” although I’d love for you to. But, I’ll be here to listen either way. Because someday, that might be me on the other line — too overwhelmed and distracted by life to realize I never asked you how you were doing before I began crying on your shoulder.

You may not stick around for my season of need.

But I’ve learned a lot from you. I’ve learned how to be a listener. I’ve learned how to calm someone down. I’ve learned to be patient with you. I’ve learned that sometimes it doesn’t have to be about me. I’ve learned to say “No” when I can’t help you more. I’ve learned life from your eyes. I’ve learned that when I give you my time, it doesn’t mean I’m owed anything in return. I’ve learned how to love this moment because it means you trusted me enough to call.

Of course, I hope you stick around. I hope you call me just to ask how I’m doing. I hope that you’ll be there in my time of need, but perhaps that season is for another friend. And, that’s okay.

In the meantime, I’ll love you. In the meantime, I won’t demand anything in return. In the meantime, call me anyway.

Announcing early after a miscarriage

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SURPRISE!

That’s right! We are expecting baby number 2 in June 2017! 

Anyone who has followed our journey knows that we had a traumatic miscarriage earlier this year — a loss that was truly unexpected and sudden, happening days following our first ultrasound, where we witnessed our baby’s heartbeat healthily beating, a checkup that came with the diagnosis of “Looks perfect! Congratulations. See you back in a few weeks.” The week that followed our miscarriage was filled with confusion, worry, regret, grief, depression, and lack of knowledge. We passed baby naturally, and ended up burying our second child under a Japanese Maple Tree. We sought closure as we named our baby Jordyn, and found peace in the fact that our child never experienced earthly suffering, our baby WAS with us all along even if for a short time, and that our child was in the arms of the One that we would have wanted him to be in all along.

Today, we announce our 3rd pregnancy while at 7 weeks pregnant. Some people are surprised by an early announcement. Yes, I acknowledge that the unthinkable could happen again. I understand the risk I am taking.

But here’s the thing — I want to announce baby now, because I want time to celebrate the LIFE that I feel and know and am experiencing. Miscarriage shouldn’t be taboo: I think society NEEDS to understand how unfortunately often it happens, and recognize the suffering that families experience from such a loss. There’s strength in community, even in one filled with pain. There’s strength in knowing you aren’t alone. 

Whether or not my baby survives, baby is living right now, with a heart beating inside me. I don’t feel the need to “wait” to see if my child will be alive later when my child is alive now. 

In only announcing the death, I miss the journey (whether short or long) of fully celebrating this beautiful child’s life now. If I announce only death, I am the only one that truly experienced the joy of the life now. I would experience it alone, and only in death would there be community.

I take a risk. But, tonight, I celebrate the beginning of life.

——-

*NOTE: This post is NOT to shame those who wish to wait to announce their child. And, if you’ve experienced a miscarriage, I mourn with you and am truly sorry for your loss. There is NOTHING wrong with waiting or desiring privacy — or wanting to keep personal matters private, or keep mourning private. This is only my own personal reflection of why I wish to not wait, and how I wish to give other moms courage to announce and celebrate life, even when paralyzed by fear.

Daughter, I won’t tell you “You can be anything you set your mind to” without one clarification

IMG_0967Tali,

I want you to believe in yourself. I want you to be confident in who you are. I want you to try new things, and try again when you fail. But there’s something about this motto I want you to fight against and resist– and a new meaning I want you to focus on.

When you hear the phrase “You can be anything you set your mind to” or “You can be anything you want to be” most people are using it in reference to careers. And, this is somewhat true. But, I can’t promise that grief won’t overtake you, that illness won’t steal your talent, that injury won’t cripple your career. I can’t promise you that you’ll have the resources to be a stay at home mom. I can’t promise you that a loved one’s illness won’t make you have to quit your job to take care of them. Perhaps you weren’t born with a voice to be singer, with an IQ to topple tests to be special intelligence, with the eyesight to be a pilot, the grace to be a dancer, or the stature to play basketball. I can’t promise that you won’t have to take on a job with long hours while studying for classes. And, baby, mommy won’t always have the money to send you to practice the hobby of your dreams. We may not always be in the best school district. I can’t promise either that all of your teachers will believe in you – or push you to thrive.

See this motto has a false facade of failure built in to it, as if when you see people with a lower paycheck or without a “desirable” job – that they’ve somehow failed. That they are lazy. That they quit too early. They didn’t give it EVERYTHING. That they didn’t prioritize. That they didn’t want it bad enough. And, we dismiss them. We dismiss their journey. We dismiss their humanity. We discount and dismiss the profound effect that where we grow up, our community, our opportunities, our income, our resources, our health, who we knew, our parents, ABUSE, DISEASE, ILLNESS, GRIEF, education, etc. have on our journey. Heck, perhaps they gave up a career for something more important to them — like having time with family. We forget that perhaps a woman isn’t “moving up the ladder” because moving up means less time with her newborn baby. It’s as if a job description defines how much we “tried” or the depth of our character – and we forget about the journey we’ve all individually and uniquely walked.

If success is only measured by a career, you may miss a more important aspect of life – and you may miss the opportunity to meet someone amazing. We forget in this phrase that THESE people without titles and distinctions and accolades of awards deserve respect and love too for their journey. That these people are role models with profound wisdom for us. And, we forget that sometimes stepping away from a dream can be an open door to love more vibrantly, to have more time with a loved one, to fight for a cause, to rest easier, to pursue ‘dead-end’ but enjoyable, fulfilling hobbies, and more. 

Sweetie, I’ve seen the most miserable, lonely CEOs, and the most vibrant, joyful, lively janitors.

So, let me tell you what you CAN and SHOULD choose. Of far greater worth than your career is your CHARACTER. This is what makes you “who” you are – the small choices you make everyday that define your journey and mark your path. You may not make a sports team – but how do you react to failure? People may be cruel to you, but do you still choose love? People may disrespect someone in front of you; do you stand up for them even if it’s unpopular? Do you choose patience? Kindness? Self-control? Do you get back up when you fail? Are you an encourager? What do you think upon when you have free time? What do you do when no one is looking? Are you continually learning and growing? But, do you also rest when you need it and take time to mourn? Do you know when to close a door and open another?

Baby, accept who you are. Embrace who you are. And, pursue your dreams – and push through even when no one believes in you. Give it your best shot, and anything that happens is a success story. But, remember along the way, it’s not your job title that defines your journey or your worth or how hard you tried — and not making it into a career doesn’t equate to failure. Success has many faces, the most important being your character. Pursue character first. Then, whatever career you have, you will be a success.

I love you.

– Mommmy

An Unexpected Blessing

 

New Parents

Welcome to our new blog! YES! We are expecting!! And we can’t wait to share more with you! We are excited to use this blog as an outlet to share our experiences, our joys, and our struggles. We want to always be transparent here so that others may more deeply get to know our hearts and learn from us as well. To start our blog off with, we’d like to publicly share our wedding invitation letter, the letter that was included in our invite. Later, we wish to share more details about this journey. We are absolutely thrilled to be new parents and can’t wait to share more with you! Thanks for visiting. 🙂

 

February 9, 2014

Family and Friends,

Although many of you are already familiar with our story, we wanted to share it once more as we truly believe in God’s ability to use each story to reveal His love, mercy, and abundant grace. After all, the gospel itself is a compilation of stories that together reveal the Father’s character and ultimate plan, a plan that continues in our stories today. Our story is also one that is very important in the timing of our marriage and in the incredible journey of faith God has taken us on.

Kaley and I met almost a year ago at our current church shortly after I moved to Oklahoma. We went on our first date as friends in June of 2013 and after many more dates, prayers over God’s purpose, and getting to know each other’s hearts at Bible study, we officially became a couple November 10, 2013. We both knew early on that we were moving toward marriage, and by December I knew I wanted to start having conversations with Kaley about engagement, but I desired to wait before doing so. In mid-January, however, God changed the course of our lives forever when we discovered that Kaley was pregnant.

The news came as a shock to both of us, but after being both convicted and humbled by the Holy Spirit we immediately decided to be open with our mistake and go to our family and church community.  We were very fearful to speak with them at first, paralyzed with shame and guilt, but once we did we were met with much grace, love, humility, and kindness. While they did not affirm our sin, they were very quick to remind us of Christ’s gospel of grace and how He came and died for not only our sin but for the sins of the world! We were reminded by them that the gospel is placed in our lives not to burden believers in overwhelming guilt and shame, but to free us in what Christ did on the cross! When we are truly repentant and turn from our sins, God is able to create a beautiful story and use it for His glory! We were also comforted and at peace knowing that we did not surprise God with a child, but God already knew our child, made provision for our child, and had a plan and purpose for him or her before the beginnings of the world (Psalm 139).

After gaining much counsel from our friends, family, and pastor, Kaley and I decided to get married sooner rather than later, a decision we feel is best for each other as well as for our child. Although our child influenced the timing of our marriage, our vows to each other are dependent on our love for one another and desiring to make a life-long commitment to love one another, serve one another, and lead each other closer to the Lord. We both are blessed to have had wonderful examples of marriage in our lives with our parents, family, and friends and look forward to creating our own story together in marriage.

Kaley and I would be more than honored for you to share our story with us by being a witness to our commitment to each other in the sacred vows of marriage before our Lord.

Sincerely,

Tucker and Kaley